Why I'm Marching Tomorrow

I'm marching tomorrow in Portland. There will be marches just like it all over the United States.

I can't wait to be a part of it. I can't wait to help people realize that this country has gone from being the land of opportunity to being the land where you can be split from your family for trying to give them opportunities.

It's not fair that we get yelled at and insulted by people whose ancestors did the exact same thing as the Hispanic and Latino people are doing now. They are coming here with their families, because they want the freedom and the chance to make life better for themselves.

Why is that so hard to see? Why does that merit hateful comments and rudeness from others? Why are some people afraid to see other people try to succeed here?

I am an American citizen, and I'm proud to be one. But, I am also an immigrant. I came here with my parents when I was three. We had very little, but my parents worked unbelievably hard, always, everyday. Not only did they put me through college, they went back and got their second Master's degrees. They are a success story, through and through.

I am so proud of them, of what they've accomplished. And I'm realizing the strength it must have taken for them to get to where they are. My goodness, just think about it. They left everything and everyone they held dear just for the chance, just the chance that they could offer me a better life. They've endured so much in hopes that I would succeed and get ahead in life. My goal, every day, is to prove to them that they did not sacrifice so very much in vain.

My parents did not come here to steal jobs, or become criminals, or take advantage of social security. They came with hope for a better future. And, I can assure you that every family you encounter that has immigrated here, Hispanic or not, has come for the same reason.

When did that become a bad thing? When did hopes and expectations for a better future require a piece of paper for the chance to flourish?

I see how wonderful my life is here, and I feel so incredibly lucky to have been a part of so many wonderful experiences and opportunities, despite the obstacles.

I truly believe that every person who makes that incredibly scary leap into a new, unknown future deserves the kind of life I've been blessed with.

And that is why I'm marching tomorrow.

My Newest Relationship

I have a lot of great relationships in my life. I have an incredible one with my parents (finally, now that I'm not a totally self-absorbed teenager), an super awesome one with Evan and his family, and I adore my friends. Honestly, I am very lucky.

There was, however, one relationship that I was hesitant to begin. I have been telling myself I need to start this relationship, and I always found excuses. Money, time, and downright denial were my main ones.

But, I've finally bitten the bullet and jumped into this relationship with everything I have. Excuses be damned.

I'm talking about the gym here. I joined a Bally's Total Fitness that is on my way home from work. That way, I figured, I would feel guilty driving by it if I didn't go. I don't do well with guilt, so this was a good strategy.

In college, I went to the gym pretty regularly. Especially freshman year, when I was dating a guy who was on the crew team who was in spectacular shape. I felt like I needed to keep up and so I spent literally 10+ hours at the gym a week, and I hardly ate anything. I dropped to about 112 pounds that year, and while I looked "great," I felt awful. If I wasn't working out, I was sleeping, because I didn't have any energy to do anything else. At one point, I was eating 600 calories a day and running 6 or so miles a day, plus weights.

Dumb, I know, but at that point in my life, I was so insecure about myself, that I figured that if I looked the best I could, I could at least feign confidence.

The funny thing, though, is that I never thought I looked good enough. I didn't realize at the time that confidence (cliche warning) comes from within, and isn't something you can chase after on the track. Even at my thinnest and most fit, I didn't like myself.

And then I met Evan. Evan, who loves me for me. Who loves me when I am happy, grumpy, and being a dork. Who loves me for loving elephants, being uber picky about socks, singing loudly in the shower, and best of all, supports me in absolutely everything I do. He didn't care if I missed a day at the gym, either, but those days turned into weeks, and while my self-confidence grew, so did my waistline.

So now, I want to feel as good about myself on the outside as I do on the inside. And this time, I'm doing it safely. I'm going three times a week to the gym, and planning to take a lot of walks besides. I've started cutting back on my portions and made better choices, and I've told myself that if I slip, that I won't get down on myself and drown myself in self-pity and ice cream. Instead, I'll start again the next day.

So wish me luck, guys. As that one guy in the movie Casablanca said, "I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship."

We have the coolest cat ever!

Here is our cat, Newton, playing fetch. You just have to love lazy Sunday mornings!

"Hey, I put some new shoes on..."

Usually, for Valentine's Day, I receive some flowers, or candy, and a card. There's nothing wrong with that, of course, but this year, Evan out did himself.

He got me a pair of Vibram Five Fingers!

You see, we read this book Born to Run, a few months ago, and the shoes were mentioned as part of a new, barefoot running movement. They originally started as yacht shoes, but runners started using them once they realized that they didn't need the arch support or super cushy heels. Also, they've been reported to lessen arch, heel, and Achilles pain, which I've had problems with for years.

I know, I know. Looking at me now, you'd never guess I used to run. A lot. I ran every day, five to eight miles a day, and I totally bought into the hype of having to have all sorts of cushioning and support. I even went out and bought a pair of Nike running shoes that were made to help with my over-pronation. After reading the book, it's not a big surprise that three weeks into running with the super-shoes, I developed a severe case of plantar fasciitis, and had trouble with heel pain. I was icing my arches every day, and popping tons of Advil, just to run a few miles. I couldn't go more than two miles without wincing and having to stop to stretch out my arches. Eventually I stopped running altogether, even though I kept eating like I ran eight miles a day and boom, you get the present me.

And, yeah, maybe my form was terrible, or it was the asphalt I was running on, but there's a part of me that believes it was the shoes. Especially because ever since I've started wearing my Vibrams, I haven't had ANY arch pain, heel pain, or pain in my knees. It's a big deal. I wear them everywhere. I've even worn them on short runs around our neighborhood, and there wasn't any pain. There was just that feeling of freedom you get when everything clicks into place as you run.

I know they look weird. I get funny looks and questions all the time, especially from my students, but I just adore these shoes! Forget flowers and candy, I am going to ask for a pair of Vibrams every Valentine's Day!

New Things

Beware: long, long post ahead!


I can't believe that two months ago I was basically living another life. I was in Corvallis, by myself, with a crazy cat and about a million unknowns hanging onto my shoulders. It was a really hectic period, but now, two months later (I last blogged in October? Eeek.) I really can't believe how amazing it all turned out. Honestly, the move and adjustment to life here in Beaverton could not have been smoother, and for that, I feel incredibly lucky.

So, new things in my life:

• Moved into a wonderful little house in Beaverton, for which we don't have enough furniture, but that's okay because it gives the kitties more room to run.
  
• We decided to adopt another kitten. Her name is Ampersand (it's the name for the "&" symbol) and it's a good thing she's so darn cute because she is a handful.
• I was fortunate enough to get a job! I am now working as an ESL assistant at Liberty High School in Hillsboro. It has been a big adjustment going from middle to high schoolers, and one that I'm still trying to make. But, the people are great, and I get to hone my Algebra 2 skills, as well as read really cool novels again, like One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest and Animal Farm. Oh, and I get to actually work with old teachers I had back at Glencoe! It is totally surreal to refer to them as my colleagues, and I'm sure they're kind of weirded out as well.
  
• My boyfriend, his family, and mi familia all pitched in over Christmas to surprise me with a Canon Rebel XSi! It is an amazing camera, and I love learning to play with it. I have vowed to not use Photoshop for at least the first six months I have it, which I hope will force me to really get to know all it's fantastic features.
  
• After that amazing Christmas present, we went down to California to visit family, and it was Evan's first experience with my extended family. We are a, uh, flavorful family, and it was great to see Evan fitting right in with our locura (or craziness, for you non-spanish endowed people).
• Evan and I took our first long adventure in California. We drove from Santa Ana to San Diego, and it was an absolute blast exploring the San Diego Zoo, Wild Animal Park, Old Town San Diego, and Balboa Park (my absolute favorite place). It was, of course, made more fun by the fact that I had my awesome new toy slung over my shoulder to chronicle the whole thing.
• Evan and I have decided to start living in a more healthy way. We both read Born to Run (an incredible book that everyone should pick up, and that I will blog about later) and kind of mutually decided to start living better, not to slip into our high school jeans again or wow everybody this summer with our super slim and sculpted selves, but because we just want to feel better. This is my second week, and already, I can detect small, but significant changes in how I feel. Oh, and remind me to tell you guys about Chia seeds in an upcoming blog post. They are amazing, and have been key in this whole revamping of our lifestyle.
• I don't know if you remember, but I mentioned before that I was having some pretty hardcore issues with anxiety before the move, and as anxious people go, we don't like changes, especially big ones. As I wrote my last post, I was dreading all the anxiety I was sure to feel while adjusting to this new stage in my life. A new city, a new house, a new job, etc., and I just wasn't sure if I could cope with it. So, imagine my surprise when I don't feel anything but an immense wave of calm wash over me almost as soon as we move in. I haven't had a panic attack since our move, our felt that edgy sensastion gnawing away at me for a long time. It's been amazing to be home. Every time I drive around my hometown, I am surrounded by old, happy, memories, and it excites me to think about all the new ones I will be able to layer over them. So far, 2010 is looking pretty promising.
• I have decided to end this post with my favorite picture of our trip. I feel like he represents my goals for this year: stay strong and confident no matter what happens.

Three pieces of furniture and a cat.

That's all I have at the moment. Well, and some food in the fridge.

No, no one broke in. I am almost totally moved out of Corvallis!

When I first realized that I would have to spend a month here, it seemed like an eternity away, but now that I seriously only have 4 days left, I've realized that the hardest part of leaving Corvallis is Corvallis itself, if that makes sense.

When you want to leave a place but can't, you only see the negatives about it. But, when you want to leave a place and then you're leaving before you thought you would be, all you see are the things you'll miss.

And there's a lot I'll miss. Everywhere I go in Corvallis holds some sort of special moment. I guess it's not hard to fill a town with memories when said town is so tiny it only takes 15 minutes to cross it. I suppose if I'm ever feeling super nostalgic, I can come back and get my fill of memories in less than half an hour. Efficient Nostalgia.

Plus, I'll be back every couple of weeks to get my hair cut. This may seem ridiculous to just about everyone, but my hairdresser really understands my hair and I would seriously follow her to Timbuktu, if I had to. If I didn't have my hairdresser, my tresses would look something like this:



I am super excited to move though, and start our life in Beaverton. We are actually living in a house, which will be a welcome change from our years of living in apartments. The littlest things about having a house are just so exciting to me. Like, I can't believe we'll have a driveway, instead of parking for a spot and worrying about some guy denting your door. Or, the idea of having a solid foundation under our feet, so I can do my Wii to my little heart's content, and Newton can tear around the place without our downstairs neighbor pounding on our floor with the end of a broom. Simple comforts.

So yeah. One more week in cozy Corvallis and then, new adventures!

Alone Time

Sometimes I am so worried about a situation that I fail to see the silver lining until it basically hits me in the head.

The situation at hand is that I am currently spending a month alone here in Corvallis. Evan got a teaching job at Beaverton High School and of course, had to move up to that area to start teaching the savages aka high school freshmen.

As much as I wanted to go with him, I had to realize that I have a full-time job here with my own breed of savages, also known as middle schoolers. The way the economy is now, I would be a tad more than moronic to leave a decently paying job and a place that I worked so hard to have a voice in because I am a little nervous about being left all by my lonesome.

Of course, on paper it seems really simple: He goes and makes moolah, and I stay here and make moolah, and at some point, we come back together and share said moolah.

But, if you will, picture our plan as a cross-country runner. This guy is running smoothly, nothing in his path, and the sun is shining.

Images courtesy of Google

Now. Picture a mean guy in a trenchcoat walking up to our runner and throwing a gigantic wrench in his path. making the runner run straight into a very well-grown patch of poison oak. We'll call this wrench Anxiety.

The truth of the matter is, I have anxiety. Pretty badly, actually, and the idea of being left alone every evening was terrifying. Not to mention just about doing everything alone. I couldn't fathom grocery shopping alone, or running errands all by myself. It was too daunting.

So, back to our runner. He's picked himself out of the poison oak, and albeit itchy, he keeps going.

And, out of the bushes springs a crazy, rabid animal with a penchant for aluminum foil and all plants and he sinks his teeth into the runner's leg.



We'll call this crazy, rabid animal Newton. Frankly, this cat is really bizarre. I feel like a single parent (okay, maybe 1/100000th of what they feel) when I'm home alone with this feline. He gets into just about everything that isn't bolted down or welded shut, he eats everything (his latest meals: a magnet, bamboo leaves, gravel, and a large piece of aluminum foil), and then takes just about the smelliest poops I have ever experienced. And, trust me, I know animal poop.

So now our runner is itchy, and bleeding. As he's limping along, let's say that a very angry looking raincloud bursts open right on top of this poor guy, and a torrential rainfall begins to fall on him. Since this guy is an Oregonian right down to the core, the rain itself doesn't bother him so much as the absolute swamp of mud this rain is creating for him, bogging down his every step forward.

We'll call this muddy slop Loose Ends That Need Tying Up. On one hand, a month seems like forever, and when I think of all the little things I have to do, I feel like I am already out of time. And money.

What's crazy about this metaphor, is that our runner will eventually get to the finish line, and he'll be stronger after such a journey. And so will I.

I will take this time to live for myself down here; to go shopping for shoes I don't need but desperately want without Ev behind me looking like I dragged him into the store. I can browse for makeup or books for hours and not have to worry about anything or anyone but myself. I can learn a lot about myself that maybe I missed out on by living with someone for the last 3 years. It's so easy to put someone else that you care so deeply about before you and even lose yourself in that devotion. This is my chance to find myself again a little bit. To take a slightly scary journey that I know will have its fair share of obstacles, but in the end I will make it to Beaverton, and I'll be stronger when I get there.

And, at least, I don't actually have Poison Oak.