There was, however, one relationship that I was hesitant to begin. I have been telling myself I need to start this relationship, and I always found excuses. Money, time, and downright denial were my main ones.
But, I've finally bitten the bullet and jumped into this relationship with everything I have. Excuses be damned.
I'm talking about the gym here. I joined a Bally's Total Fitness that is on my way home from work. That way, I figured, I would feel guilty driving by it if I didn't go. I don't do well with guilt, so this was a good strategy.
In college, I went to the gym pretty regularly. Especially freshman year, when I was dating a guy who was on the crew team who was in spectacular shape. I felt like I needed to keep up and so I spent literally 10+ hours at the gym a week, and I hardly ate anything. I dropped to about 112 pounds that year, and while I looked "great," I felt awful. If I wasn't working out, I was sleeping, because I didn't have any energy to do anything else. At one point, I was eating 600 calories a day and running 6 or so miles a day, plus weights.
Dumb, I know, but at that point in my life, I was so insecure about myself, that I figured that if I looked the best I could, I could at least feign confidence.
The funny thing, though, is that I never thought I looked good enough. I didn't realize at the time that confidence (cliche warning) comes from within, and isn't something you can chase after on the track. Even at my thinnest and most fit, I didn't like myself.
And then I met Evan. Evan, who loves me for me. Who loves me when I am happy, grumpy, and being a dork. Who loves me for loving elephants, being uber picky about socks, singing loudly in the shower, and best of all, supports me in absolutely everything I do. He didn't care if I missed a day at the gym, either, but those days turned into weeks, and while my self-confidence grew, so did my waistline.
So now, I want to feel as good about myself on the outside as I do on the inside. And this time, I'm doing it safely. I'm going three times a week to the gym, and planning to take a lot of walks besides. I've started cutting back on my portions and made better choices, and I've told myself that if I slip, that I won't get down on myself and drown myself in self-pity and ice cream. Instead, I'll start again the next day.
So wish me luck, guys. As that one guy in the movie Casablanca said, "I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship."
1 comment:
Of course, that was after he shot a Nazi and sent his love away forever. I wouldn't recommend the second part, but maybe shooting a Nazi will help you start off your friendship? You still have Call of Duty?
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