How I Feel

There are just some days, like today, where all I want to do is forget about work, grad school, and the million other things on my mind and just snuggle with my love on the couch. This song pretty much sums up how I've felt on those days.



It's only on days like this, when I come home to such an amazing guy who welcomes my griping, whining, and complaining with a big hug, understanding smile, and a kiss, that I realize that all those other things don't really matter. I guess you could say that overwhelming things are a part of life, but a great love tends to cancel them all out. Thanks, Evan, for reminding me of that. I love you!

Update in Yays and Nays

 I'm not totally sure where to start. I guess I should start by saying that this year has gotten off to a great start, and I can only see it getting better. In the spirit of keeping things concise, I think I'm going to just do a "yay" and "nay" post.

Yay to starting at Portland State University!

PSU = Rhinoceros

Nay to feeling like I've been run over by a rhinoceros by Thursday of every week. I am taking 3 classes, Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, plus working full-time. Oy.

Yay to after-class beers with my fellow grad students

Nay to realizing that I am not a real college student anymore and do actually have to go to work at 7:30am the next day after I have an after class beer.

Yay to realizing that after 18 months of feeling like this, I will have my own awesome classroom, and I will be able to teach my own way.

Nay to knowing that in the meantime, I have to work with icky high schoolers and even ickier coworkers. Seriously, they are poo-heads.

 Yay to the fact that the school I work at is super close to the middle of nowhere, which is ideal for escaping the icky highschoolers/coworkers and taking pictures.

I almost got run over for this one. Totally worth it. 

 

I may actually frame this one. 

Nay to not having quite enough time after homework to edit said pictures.

Yay to spending what precious time I have with my absolutely amazing boyfriend Evan and my family.

Nay to driving. I hate it, because it's so boring.

Yay to books on tape. I don't care that it makes me feel 98 years old to have a book read to me, but it's the only time I have. I'd probably listen to NPR if I didn't have a book on tape anyway.

This was my book on tape. It was excellent, and I kept trying to find excuses to drive so I could listen. 

Yay also to losing my fear of driving to Portland. It's not so scary anymore, and we've had some awesome adventures/picture opportunities (pretty much interchangeable in my book).

Adventure/Photo opportunity at the Pittock Mansion in Portland! 

Lioness at the Oregon Zoo. We went on Halloween, and the predators I was afraid of were the parents of the tiny humans. We seriously almost got mauled! 

Nay to having our exploring cut short because of the rain and it getting dark right after lunchtime.

Yay to cozy nights at home with Evan, a glass of wine, and the newest Josh Radin cd.

Nay to spending my Saturdays on the couch doing homework.

Where I can dance like a moron and get a great workout!

Yay yay yay for Zumba! I will always drag myself out of my graduate school stupor for Zumba!

Yay for dropping close to 20 pounds!

Seriously, YAY for dropping close to 20 pounds! (frankly, it deserves two yays)

Nay for the silly holidays coming in at full force. I am such a weakling in front of mashed potatoes and stuffing!

Yay for having a trip to Hawaii being more than enough motivation to turn away those mashed potatoes. At least the first time they're offered. I am, after all, only human.

I plan on sunbathing right here. No mashed potatoes for me! 

In love with this! 

Yay for buying the perfect swimsuit that actually makes me want to get out on the beach.

Yay for finding shorts, capris, skirts, and my whole Hawaii wardrobe for under $50 bucks. I may just become a flip season shopper!

Yay for Black Friday! Ladies, watch out. I've been working on my elbow throwing skills.

Yay to not having very many Nays in my life.





Yay for having everything to look forward to and nothing holding me back. What an amazing feeling!

Okay, seriously

The award for Worst Blogger of the Year can now be handed to me. Luckily, for all three of you who read this, I have a four-day weekend and my plan is to definitely update this thing.

Seriously. I will. Pinky swear.

-Mariela-

An Amazing Summer

Summer 2010 from Mariela Marquez on Vimeo.


I know I've been a total slacker as far as blogging goes, but I was really busy having an extraordinary summer. I went on some great trips, saw amazing things, and made some fantastic memories. Now that school/work has started back up again, as well as that dreaded rain, I was feeling nostalgic and decided to make this video of all my great  times. There are a lot of pictures, and I realized a little too late that the duration of each picture was about two seconds too long. At least the songs are good. The songs in the video were definitely prominent members of my summer soundtrack, and I will always tie them into the amazing moments I had this summer, especially on those chilly, back-to-school mornings.

Anyway, I hope the video makes up for my slacking. Enjoy!

Here's to 24!

I was really stoked for my birthday this year, for a variety of reasons.

1. I wasn't in Corvallis
2. ...

Well, okay, one reason. I have been in Corvallis for my last two birthdays, and while they were wonderful, there was always this rushed feeling about it all, because either my family had to drive back to Portland, or we had to head back to Corvallis.

And while I don't really have anything against Corvallis, celebrating just about anything is tough to do there, especially after 6 pm. I mean, there are a handful of restaurants, and the bowling alley or movie theater, as far as options go.

So, being in Portland to ring in 24 was pretty exciting. The day started off awesomely, with Evan bringing me flowers in bed, and then making me a full, cholesterol-ridden breakfast of eggs, hash browns, and pancakes. After devouring them, he gave me my presents, which were awesome. I got the new Jason Mraz album, as well as Carey Brothers, a new musical obsession of mine. I also got a stack of Bill Bryson's books, which was sweet because he is my favorite author and I had just run out of things to read.

After digesting, we got all cleaned up and headed to Portland for dinner at Pastini with my parents. Let me tell you, it was amazing. I had this chicken with spinach in a red pepper sauce, and even though Evan said that it was "an unnatural color," I totally hoovered it.

I had an obscene amount of food that day, seriously. It just gets worse.

We then drove a couple blocks, (walking was out of the question because a) it was raining and b) I was too full) found a miraculously close parking spot, and heading into the Keller Auditorium to see The Lion King, which was absolutely phenomenal. I was seriously transformed into a six year-old as soon as the music started. I couldn't stop gaping at all the amazing sets, the music, the costumes; it was all so incredible.

After the play, we headed back to our place for Funfetti cake, coffee and some gifts from my parents. I have always been a true only child when it comes to my gifts, and I have always liked to shake, poke, and prod them. In a defense strategy, my mom hid my present inside a bigger box, then wrapped it in a sweatshirt, so I had absolutely no idea what I was opening. Imagine the scream I let out when I realized it was Photoshop Elements 8! I have played with it a bit, and while it is overwhelming, I'm really excited to see what it can do.

It was really an awesome birthday. But, the fun, and the food, don't stop there.

I spent July 2nd just trying to let my body filter out all the sugar and excitement from the day before, not knowing that my mom and Evan were secretly planning a surprise party for me on the 3rd. My mom had mentioned having a barbecue, and I had agreed, even though I was kinda surprised she was so insistent about it. When I asked about whether we should have it on the 4th, she very quickly answered, "no, the third would be better. Yep, the third works best for me, right Evan?"

Evan: "Yeah, I like the third more than the fourth, definitely."

Me: *lifts eyebrow skeptically*

Honestly, I had reason to suspect, because my mom's done this to me before. For my 21st, she threw a big surprise party for me, and I had no idea until I was in front of 40 people with nothing to say and just the tiniest bit drunk from a Sand in Your Shorts I had had at Red Robin earlier. The same thing happened on my 16th birthday, sans the Sand in Your Shorts, but just as much dumbfoundedness.

But, seeing as how the other two had been on "big" birthdays, and this was just my 24th, I pretty much just chalked it up to my mom really liking our deck in the backyard, and my paranoia.

My mom and Evan's plan worked out pretty well, because it turns out I had to leave the house at just the right time to attend a birthday party at Out of This World Pizza and Play. My goodness, that was insane. I was hungry though, so I inhaled two pieces of pizza and slurped down some soda before coming home.

See, what I said? About the food? Also, I wish that I had some pictures to chronicle all of this, but in all the excitement, we all forgot to take pictures.

As I came down our street, I recognized my friend Magalyn's ancient Thunderbird, and then, Devan's Jeep, and then Karla's VW Golf, and I realized, I had been duped.

I walked into a full-on luau-themed party with a lot of my great friends in attendance. My dad, a grilling master, made some awesome chicken kebabs, which we had with salad and some ice cold beers. It was great to see so many of my friends and catch up. It was a perfect afternoon, and of course, it was topped off with cake.

It was, all in all, the best birthday I've had in a very long time. It has been such a crazy year, what with moving twice, quitting and finding jobs, and growing up in so many ways, that this sort of celebration was just what I needed to wrap up such a fantastic year, and starting this new one in my life with warmth in my heart, a smile on my face, and a whole lot of food in my tummy.

Time for a New Backpack!

So, I am headed to Graduate School! I was accepted about two weeks ago to the Portland State Graduate School of Education, where I'll be part of a program called the Bilingual Teacher Pathway, and (hopefully) in two years, I'll graduate with a Master's in Education, and an initial teaching license with endorsements in Language Arts and ESL/Bilingual Education.

Man, I hope all that fits on the diploma.

What's cool about this program is that it's meant for people who work full-time, so classes are during the evenings and weekends. So, it's a huge relief for me, because I really didn't want to leave my job for two years for school, and then somehow come up with close to $20,000 dollars to pay for it.

Oh, another nifty thing: I can defer my student loans from my undergrad until I graduate from PSU. Seriously, I am so excited about this. I make about $1,200 a month, and a good third of that (if not more) went to those greedy old guys at the Department of Education. So, if $400 goes to student loans, and $320 to rent, I am left with $480 to last me a month. And while it'd be great to spend all of that on myself, there's usually something that comes up during the month that results in my paying a greasy mechanic or a veterinarian some exorbitant amount.

So, yeah. I am super excited to start the program in September, learn all sorts of cool things, and then start teaching! Oh, and of course, I am totally stoked to get a really cool backpack with the money I WON'T be paying to old greedy dudes!

Why I'm Marching Tomorrow

I'm marching tomorrow in Portland. There will be marches just like it all over the United States.

I can't wait to be a part of it. I can't wait to help people realize that this country has gone from being the land of opportunity to being the land where you can be split from your family for trying to give them opportunities.

It's not fair that we get yelled at and insulted by people whose ancestors did the exact same thing as the Hispanic and Latino people are doing now. They are coming here with their families, because they want the freedom and the chance to make life better for themselves.

Why is that so hard to see? Why does that merit hateful comments and rudeness from others? Why are some people afraid to see other people try to succeed here?

I am an American citizen, and I'm proud to be one. But, I am also an immigrant. I came here with my parents when I was three. We had very little, but my parents worked unbelievably hard, always, everyday. Not only did they put me through college, they went back and got their second Master's degrees. They are a success story, through and through.

I am so proud of them, of what they've accomplished. And I'm realizing the strength it must have taken for them to get to where they are. My goodness, just think about it. They left everything and everyone they held dear just for the chance, just the chance that they could offer me a better life. They've endured so much in hopes that I would succeed and get ahead in life. My goal, every day, is to prove to them that they did not sacrifice so very much in vain.

My parents did not come here to steal jobs, or become criminals, or take advantage of social security. They came with hope for a better future. And, I can assure you that every family you encounter that has immigrated here, Hispanic or not, has come for the same reason.

When did that become a bad thing? When did hopes and expectations for a better future require a piece of paper for the chance to flourish?

I see how wonderful my life is here, and I feel so incredibly lucky to have been a part of so many wonderful experiences and opportunities, despite the obstacles.

I truly believe that every person who makes that incredibly scary leap into a new, unknown future deserves the kind of life I've been blessed with.

And that is why I'm marching tomorrow.

My Newest Relationship

I have a lot of great relationships in my life. I have an incredible one with my parents (finally, now that I'm not a totally self-absorbed teenager), an super awesome one with Evan and his family, and I adore my friends. Honestly, I am very lucky.

There was, however, one relationship that I was hesitant to begin. I have been telling myself I need to start this relationship, and I always found excuses. Money, time, and downright denial were my main ones.

But, I've finally bitten the bullet and jumped into this relationship with everything I have. Excuses be damned.

I'm talking about the gym here. I joined a Bally's Total Fitness that is on my way home from work. That way, I figured, I would feel guilty driving by it if I didn't go. I don't do well with guilt, so this was a good strategy.

In college, I went to the gym pretty regularly. Especially freshman year, when I was dating a guy who was on the crew team who was in spectacular shape. I felt like I needed to keep up and so I spent literally 10+ hours at the gym a week, and I hardly ate anything. I dropped to about 112 pounds that year, and while I looked "great," I felt awful. If I wasn't working out, I was sleeping, because I didn't have any energy to do anything else. At one point, I was eating 600 calories a day and running 6 or so miles a day, plus weights.

Dumb, I know, but at that point in my life, I was so insecure about myself, that I figured that if I looked the best I could, I could at least feign confidence.

The funny thing, though, is that I never thought I looked good enough. I didn't realize at the time that confidence (cliche warning) comes from within, and isn't something you can chase after on the track. Even at my thinnest and most fit, I didn't like myself.

And then I met Evan. Evan, who loves me for me. Who loves me when I am happy, grumpy, and being a dork. Who loves me for loving elephants, being uber picky about socks, singing loudly in the shower, and best of all, supports me in absolutely everything I do. He didn't care if I missed a day at the gym, either, but those days turned into weeks, and while my self-confidence grew, so did my waistline.

So now, I want to feel as good about myself on the outside as I do on the inside. And this time, I'm doing it safely. I'm going three times a week to the gym, and planning to take a lot of walks besides. I've started cutting back on my portions and made better choices, and I've told myself that if I slip, that I won't get down on myself and drown myself in self-pity and ice cream. Instead, I'll start again the next day.

So wish me luck, guys. As that one guy in the movie Casablanca said, "I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship."

We have the coolest cat ever!

Here is our cat, Newton, playing fetch. You just have to love lazy Sunday mornings!

"Hey, I put some new shoes on..."

Usually, for Valentine's Day, I receive some flowers, or candy, and a card. There's nothing wrong with that, of course, but this year, Evan out did himself.

He got me a pair of Vibram Five Fingers!

You see, we read this book Born to Run, a few months ago, and the shoes were mentioned as part of a new, barefoot running movement. They originally started as yacht shoes, but runners started using them once they realized that they didn't need the arch support or super cushy heels. Also, they've been reported to lessen arch, heel, and Achilles pain, which I've had problems with for years.

I know, I know. Looking at me now, you'd never guess I used to run. A lot. I ran every day, five to eight miles a day, and I totally bought into the hype of having to have all sorts of cushioning and support. I even went out and bought a pair of Nike running shoes that were made to help with my over-pronation. After reading the book, it's not a big surprise that three weeks into running with the super-shoes, I developed a severe case of plantar fasciitis, and had trouble with heel pain. I was icing my arches every day, and popping tons of Advil, just to run a few miles. I couldn't go more than two miles without wincing and having to stop to stretch out my arches. Eventually I stopped running altogether, even though I kept eating like I ran eight miles a day and boom, you get the present me.

And, yeah, maybe my form was terrible, or it was the asphalt I was running on, but there's a part of me that believes it was the shoes. Especially because ever since I've started wearing my Vibrams, I haven't had ANY arch pain, heel pain, or pain in my knees. It's a big deal. I wear them everywhere. I've even worn them on short runs around our neighborhood, and there wasn't any pain. There was just that feeling of freedom you get when everything clicks into place as you run.

I know they look weird. I get funny looks and questions all the time, especially from my students, but I just adore these shoes! Forget flowers and candy, I am going to ask for a pair of Vibrams every Valentine's Day!

New Things

Beware: long, long post ahead!


I can't believe that two months ago I was basically living another life. I was in Corvallis, by myself, with a crazy cat and about a million unknowns hanging onto my shoulders. It was a really hectic period, but now, two months later (I last blogged in October? Eeek.) I really can't believe how amazing it all turned out. Honestly, the move and adjustment to life here in Beaverton could not have been smoother, and for that, I feel incredibly lucky.

So, new things in my life:

• Moved into a wonderful little house in Beaverton, for which we don't have enough furniture, but that's okay because it gives the kitties more room to run.
  
• We decided to adopt another kitten. Her name is Ampersand (it's the name for the "&" symbol) and it's a good thing she's so darn cute because she is a handful.
• I was fortunate enough to get a job! I am now working as an ESL assistant at Liberty High School in Hillsboro. It has been a big adjustment going from middle to high schoolers, and one that I'm still trying to make. But, the people are great, and I get to hone my Algebra 2 skills, as well as read really cool novels again, like One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest and Animal Farm. Oh, and I get to actually work with old teachers I had back at Glencoe! It is totally surreal to refer to them as my colleagues, and I'm sure they're kind of weirded out as well.
  
• My boyfriend, his family, and mi familia all pitched in over Christmas to surprise me with a Canon Rebel XSi! It is an amazing camera, and I love learning to play with it. I have vowed to not use Photoshop for at least the first six months I have it, which I hope will force me to really get to know all it's fantastic features.
  
• After that amazing Christmas present, we went down to California to visit family, and it was Evan's first experience with my extended family. We are a, uh, flavorful family, and it was great to see Evan fitting right in with our locura (or craziness, for you non-spanish endowed people).
• Evan and I took our first long adventure in California. We drove from Santa Ana to San Diego, and it was an absolute blast exploring the San Diego Zoo, Wild Animal Park, Old Town San Diego, and Balboa Park (my absolute favorite place). It was, of course, made more fun by the fact that I had my awesome new toy slung over my shoulder to chronicle the whole thing.
• Evan and I have decided to start living in a more healthy way. We both read Born to Run (an incredible book that everyone should pick up, and that I will blog about later) and kind of mutually decided to start living better, not to slip into our high school jeans again or wow everybody this summer with our super slim and sculpted selves, but because we just want to feel better. This is my second week, and already, I can detect small, but significant changes in how I feel. Oh, and remind me to tell you guys about Chia seeds in an upcoming blog post. They are amazing, and have been key in this whole revamping of our lifestyle.
• I don't know if you remember, but I mentioned before that I was having some pretty hardcore issues with anxiety before the move, and as anxious people go, we don't like changes, especially big ones. As I wrote my last post, I was dreading all the anxiety I was sure to feel while adjusting to this new stage in my life. A new city, a new house, a new job, etc., and I just wasn't sure if I could cope with it. So, imagine my surprise when I don't feel anything but an immense wave of calm wash over me almost as soon as we move in. I haven't had a panic attack since our move, our felt that edgy sensastion gnawing away at me for a long time. It's been amazing to be home. Every time I drive around my hometown, I am surrounded by old, happy, memories, and it excites me to think about all the new ones I will be able to layer over them. So far, 2010 is looking pretty promising.
• I have decided to end this post with my favorite picture of our trip. I feel like he represents my goals for this year: stay strong and confident no matter what happens.